Sweet Revenge
by Ultima Mage
Summary: What do you get when you take a character, make them angry, and have them kill things? This fic!
1. Yuna's Rage

Today was just a normal day until I was attacked by fiends. That imbecile Wakka threw that idiotic ball and it rebounded into me! It hurt a lot and even Tidus laughed. So they will all die.  
  
First Wakka. I have decided to use some irony here. He will throw his blitzball, his spiky one, and at the same moment I will bump him with a staff equipped with darktouch. Unable to see, it hit him in the head and he died slowly, because the potions kept being dropped and my MP was out, or so it seemed.  
  
Next, that hyper Rikku girl. I will use he machina against her. I simply got a small spell that gave me slight telekinesis. A switch "accidentally" was "bumped" and a flash hit her. While everyone else was blind, I killed her very easily. Oh, how she cried out.  
  
Sir Auron may attempt to stop me, but I will finish him. You see, I have discovered he is an unsent. Therefore I will do something very painful. While he slept, I half-summoned, half-sent him and the pyreflies around him. It made him into a monster, very sad for him. Not! Now we killed him.  
  
Lulu will die next. I have looked through Rikku's old machina and found an anti-magic field generator. I set it up, and asked Lulu to take a walk with me. I led her into being lost, and escaped myself. Watching from afar, she struggled with fiends and fell oh so valiantly. Pity.  
  
Kimahri is loyal to me, but senses something is wrong. I have decided to hire a disgruntled Yevon extremist [A/n: Aren't they all extremists?] who believes Ronso are the source of Sin. He shot Kimahri from afar with a poisoned arrow.  
  
Tidus is last. It breaks my heart, but I have to do it. Here is my plan: In the morning he went to the spring to bathe. H steps on a trip cord, releasing all the sharp weapons of former party members from a box. He dies quick. ____________________________________________________________________________ __________  
  
Yuna goes nuts. OOC, huh? More? Huh? Huh? 


	2. Lulu's Rage

Bwahahaha...They all died...and now they die again! (evil cackling)  
It was a normal day for me. We were waiting in the Calm Lands and I hear this loud KWEH. I remember some feathers... anyway I was trampled by a chocobo. In all my time as a black mage (guess who it is yet?) I have never EVER been so angry. "WHO DID THIS?" I yelled, very close to making them all die. Yuna was resting. It wasn't Yuna. Rikku was pretending to fiddle with machina while smirking. Maybe Rikku. Sir Auron was laughing in his low-key way. Tidus was stifling his laughter. Wakka was trying to stay out of my line of sight. Very Well, I thought, They all die.  
  
So white mages must die first. Am I sorry? Well, maybe a little. Yuna of course, would have to be the most "Accidental" death, to give me more time to kill the others. While repelling [AN/ I think they could do this...not sure] down Mt. Gagazet, I cast Fira on the ropes. No one saw, so no one knows why Yuna plummeted to her death. They will learn why soon.  
  
Sir Auron is suspicious. We are traveling to Bevelle to report Yuna's death. No one will make it. Sir Auron however must not live. So I can simply cast a Bio spell designed to affect the dead. They found his empty tent in the morning. I proposed that fiends attacked him and he was still fighting them. We searched and searched but found nothing. Not that I expected anything.  
  
I must have an incredibly high IQ, because Kimahri's death will be very well calculated. First I found a fiend with Auto-Reflect and cast Watera in such a way that it hit Kimahri. They thought I was stupid but Kimahri said he liked the bath. Imbecile. Now he stabs a machina and is electrocuted. Rikku would never do a thing like that. Too bad she dies next.  
  
Rikku is smart. She's also addicted to caffeine. She has depression and when she does not take the caffeine pills she becomes depressed and suicidal. It was child's play to take the pills away and then say, "Rikku, don't kill yourself." Not really fair but it doesn't matter.  
  
For some reasons I have pangs about killing Wakka. Sometimes I awake at night thinking about him. Shrug it off I tell myself. It's just because I dated Chappu. [Yes I have played FFX-2. Why do you ask?] That blitzball is bigger than my dolls, but they're smarter than Wakka or his blitzball. As Wakka ran he tripped on my trap cord and I strangled him.  
  
Tidus has figured it out. He has run from camp. But I will find him.  
  
******************************2 Years Later***************************  
  
I have waited long and I have found Tidus. He returned to Besaid seeking to finds solace in his happy memories. That is where he will die. I found him on the cliff face and stabbed him. As he took a last desperate look I pushed him off the cliff. Then I sat there. My rage, initiated by a childish prank had simmered down. I was no longer able to live life with a purpose. I jumped.  
  
______________________________________________ Is it good? 


	3. Seymour's Rage

Ok sorry it's been a while. I've been writing an FFX-2 fic, Omega Mage. I like the idea of Seymour and so have agreed to do him. I also agree that my writing is not currently humorous enough and dark sarcastic humor isn't working. Oh, and this is now script form

------

-Guadosalam-

Tidus: Yuna...what did he say?

Yuna: he...he asked me to marry him!

Tidus: Whatcha gonna say?

Yuna: -turns around, looks at Seymour- You're an ugly -bleep.- That means -bleep- no

All: -gasp-

Seymour: But... but... but... but... but... but... but

Wakka: Are ya you ya gonna ya stop ya saying ya that, ya... brudda?

Yuna: Let's go.

-Party leaves-

Seymour: -all of a sudden goes humpback and starts talking weird- I will have revenge! Come, Igor

Tromell: My name's Tromell

Seymour: . Whatever.

-Thunder Plains-

Yuna: Who is the ominous hunchbacked partially insane person following us?

Lulu: Don't get any ideas Yuna!

Yuna: I only did that once and the guy gave me 300,000 gil for that!

Wakka: Maybe ya it's ya someone ya who ya has ya a ya grudge ya against ya us ya? Brudda?

Auron: I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE -kills Wakka-

-Parade-

Seymour: I'm here to enact a series of cliché villainous plans upon you an continually come back to life!

Kimahri: -poke-

Seymour: That tickles! -Laughs- Stop it!

Kimahri: -poke poke poke poke-

Seymour:- melts into nothingness- Nooo...I'll be back

Kimahri: Kimahri poked Seymour and Seymour died. Kimahri is happy. Kimahri uses no pronouns.

Auron: I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! -kills Kimahri-

Yuna: Isn't this a fic where Seymour kills us all?

Tidus: Perhaps the author is subtly evading the fact that he has no idea what to do with Seymour

Lulu: Since when did the author have writer's block?

Auron: Since when have we been conscious of the fact that this is a fanfiction?

- Everyone's mind goes completely blank-

Rikku: What were we talking about?

-Macalania Woods-

Seymour: I have reappeared to obliterate you!

Yuna: Which ones?

Seymour: Umm...That one! -pushes Rikku off a cliff-

Yuna: WAIT! Macalania doesn't have cliffs.

Seymour: -pushes Rikku off a tree-

Yuna: Much better. Wait...you just killed Rikku

Tidus: Yuna it's my turn to be hero person. Wait until FFX-2 to make bold speeches and swear revenge.

Yuna: I don't do that in FFX-2. My dialogue is utter crap.

Tidus: Sorry.

Seymour: -ahem-

Auron: -destroys Seymour with incredibly powerful blast of magic-

Lulu: Wait...you don't have incredibly powerful blasts of magic.

Auron: -shrug-

Seymour: I'll be back later -performs thrillingly good exit scene-  
  
-Al Bhed Home-

Rikku: Everyone is dying!

Yuna: Wait...you died 14 lines of text/spacing ago!

-Rikku dissappears-

-Seymour appears-

Seymour: -pulls out lottery machine- Today's lucky victim is -pulls out little plastic balls- 63-14-8-43!

Lulu: That's me! -shows ticket-

-Lulu is magically surrounded by machina, who kidnap her and take her to their cave where she is forced to watch the filming of every new Teletubbies episode-

Yuna: That's inhumane  
  
-Bevelle-

Seymour: I have messed up the proper plotline to the point where the party should not even be here! I'm so happy!

Tidus: -stands in front of Seymour- How will you kill us now?

Seymour: Please push the red button on this remote

Tidus: Ok! -Pushes- -falls through giant hole in the ground-

Yuna: Cliché. Cliché. Cliché.

Seymour: Go jump off a building

Yuna: Ok! I can fly -jumps- -summons Valefor-

Valefor: What do you want now? Always nag, nag, and nag!

Yuna: Ahhhhhhh -dies-

Auron: What about me?

Seymour: -glances back and forth-

-Auron dies-

----

I have never written such mindless crap. Ok I do that a lot. See ya!


End file.
